I have never considered myself an emotional person. Sure, I cry at funerals and get teary-eyed at weddings. But I don’t sweat the small stuff. I have never been one to cry during movies (2 notable exceptions = P.S. I Love You and Marley and Me). I don’t get choked up during commercials. Well, maybe I should have written that whole paragraph in the past tense because all that seems to have changed now.
I was warned about the Baby Blues. I might not feel that instant connection with my daughter. I might get sad for no apparent reason. I just might not feel that bliss of being a new mommy. Well, I don’t have the Baby Blues…far from it. I would call it Newborn Nostalgia.
Amazingly, I did not cry when Madi was born. Everyone told me I would. I didn’t. I was thrilled, excited, and exhausted but I did not cry.
However, I have cried more than my fair share since then. I will be honest, I have cried more than once from exhaustion and frustration when Madi cried inconsolably and I couldn’t make things better. But as we get in to the swing of things, this hasn’t happened lately. I do, however, cry at anything even slighty nostalgic or touching.
I have always loved the children’s book On the Night You Were Born. But now I can’t even get through the first page without crying. And not just crying…sobbing. I literally cannot get the words out. It is the line “Life will never be the same” that gets me every time. And then, if I manage to pull myself together and get through the next few pages, I start crying again when it says “You are the one and only ever you.”
I cried at church the other week when there was a child dedication ceremony. They read a poem that I can’t even remember now…but I cried.
I cried when I thought we had missed getting Madi’s birth announcement from the newspaper. (Don’t worry, I got a copy of it from a friend of my mom’s).
Just yesterday I got teary eyed when I put Madi in her going home from the hospital outfit and realized that it ws getting too small and it was probably going to be the last time she was going to be able to wear it. (Actually, I am starting to cry just typing that). The last 4 weeks have flown by. Madi is changing before my eyes every single day and I can hardly stand it. She is amazing.
People always told me that you don’t know what love really is until you become a parent. I always throught that was a bit cliche. I mean, I have loved. I do love. But wow were they right. I don’t know if I have ever known with such certainty that I would do absolutely anything to protect this little bundle of awesomeness.
The point is, I don’t have the Baby Blues…but I am experiencing emotions that I have never experienced with such intensity before.
The book has it so right. Life will never be the same.